i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
