I got chris browned last night
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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