Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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