awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
