if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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