so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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