If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
