giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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