If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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