If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize