tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
