I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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