I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
