Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
