Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
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Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
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What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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