she was so not down for the gang bang
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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