I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
