Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
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i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.