My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."