I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
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He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
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I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering