Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.