You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.