Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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