he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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