we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
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I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
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He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?