I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
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i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
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Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.