how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?