saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating