you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
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If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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