If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
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He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
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Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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