you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So many bounce houses so little time
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
