Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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