bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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