maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize