Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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