theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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