All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
