I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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