I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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