I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
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I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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