and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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