It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
