Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
