I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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