I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Are we still banned from the library?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
