It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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