get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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