You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.