i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
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You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
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We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs