guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke