Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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