you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
