he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Holy sore nipples Batman
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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