I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
