Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
