So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
