Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.