An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.