john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
lol hangovers are for mortals.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.