I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.