Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.