I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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