Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.