I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
We named our party play list daddy issues
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.