But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check