watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
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I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
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I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.