He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.