Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old